According to the animal-lovers at pawnation.com, a 70-year-old lobster named Larry was released from Oceana, a New York City restaurant, after many years in captivity.
Lawrence "Larry" Lobster IV was arrested in the late 1980's and subsequently convicted on charges of being excessively meaty and succulent. He received the death penalty, and has spent the last twenty years on Oceana's death row, a 50-gallon fish tank in the restaurant's lobby. Just recently, Larry was moved to solitary confinement, a smaller tank of his own, where he was supposedly going to stay until he was executed. Restaurant warden Paul McLaughlin said that the move was due to Larry's "excessive size, and a tendency to nibble on the other inmates."
“I really didn’t mind it so much,” Larry told NBC News. “It was comfortable and they fed me every day. Sure, it was disturbing to see my fellow prisoners get taken away to the Death Pot, but we all knew our time was coming.”
When asked about the other prisoners, Larry recalled, “There was this one guy who was an absolute riot. Whenever the restaurant got busy, he’d tuck one claw underneath his body and drag himself around the tank with his other one, giving the impression that he was crippled. No one wants to pay for a gimpy lobster, so he hung around for years. Another guy made a sign that said I JUST WORK HERE, and wore it around his neck. He’d pretend to clean the inside of the tank and everything. Good times, man, good times.”
Larry was given a reprieve last week, when Bloomberg writer Ryan Sutton questioned the wisdom of eating an elderly crustacean. The public rallied around Sutton's cause, and lobbied for the lobster's freedom. Warden McLaughlin quickly relented, and arranged for a full pardon.
On Wednesday, a news conference was held outside the restaurant, where Larry Lobster read a prepared statement:
“I would like to thank Oceana Restaurant for granting my release. My incarceration was not unpleasant, I was treated well, and I truly enjoyed getting to know my menu-mates. While I would have accepted my fate with dignity, and I am certain that I would’ve been a delicious meal for some lucky human, I’m grateful for the opportunity to return to the ocean and live out the remainder of my life. Thank you.”
Larry Lobster was released off the coast of Maine, and within ten minutes was devoured by a hungry codfish, uncooked and without butter.
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29 comments:
"Taken away to the death pot" and "menu mates"... You are freaking hilarious!
That was one shell of a story, DK.
Larry Lobster was released off the coast of Maine, and within ten minutes was devoured by a hungry codfish, uncooked and without butter.
Yeah, that's karma for you...
Ha! "Menu mates?"
Ha! That's a keeper. And for some strange reason an image of Hannibal Lecter came to mind!
hee hee
We shall all raise a glass in honor of Larry tonight! After years of escaping the clutches of diners, only to be swallowed by a hungry codfish. Such an ignominious end. May Larry rest in peace.
Happy Halloween, Knucklehead!
Thanks for the follow (I'm now also following you!) AND thank you for the book suggestion! I'll definitely check it out! :-)
Can you believe I've never had lobster? They kind of freak me out a little.
Poor Larry :-)
Thanks for stopping by my blog and nice to meet you. This was great.
Sounds like an Alannis Morrisette song to me.
They should have put Larry in a halfway house first. You know, so he could slowly learn out to survive the big water.
Really fun to read!
As if the story wasn't awesome enough, the title was pure perfection! The thought of one pretending to be crippled was perfection! And I'm now SO craving lobster! But younger, with a clean police record, and butter is a must.
Then the codfish got eaten by a sharkfish! Then a fisherman used his circompass to catch that rapscallion.
Menu-mates... BWAAAhahaaa.... that's awesome!
I love your blog - looking forward to reading more!
~Penny
Ahhhhh, such is life!
It's probably just as well because lobster lovers at prawnation.com were in the late preparation stages of a large-scale lobster hunt.
That was a great post.Purely fiction? I'm not so sure lol :)
Leeuna@My Mind Wandered
Alas, poor Larry! I knew him, Horatio.
RIP Larry!
I am really not for the death penalty, unless it is part of my surf and turf!
Too funny! Poor Larry, no one should die such an indignant death.
Excellent, not surprisingly.
I've never been a fan of eating lobster... glad to see one got away, even if for just 10 minutes of freedom.
Poor Larry...I guess when your time is up, your time is up.
nomnomnomnomnom
As soon as I heard about Larry being released, I had the exact same though: He's not going to last nearly as long as he would have if he'd stayed put. Glad to know I'm not the only fatalist in the crowd.
I was waiting for Larry to use his claws to tunnel his way out, hiding his work behind a poster of crustacean It girl, Uma Thermadore.
So true...so true. Larry was eaten up like the Phils in the late innings. =-(
I don't let a Monday pass without posting a story or getting caught up on Knucklehead. Thanks for the tail, though I'll say this one smelled a bit fishy.
Ooh I just had a bad feeling this one was not going to end well for Larry. Tragic I say, right place, wrong time.
It's all for the best, I suppose. By the end, he was just a shell of his former self. I suppose his more well-known brother was wrong after all; It is not necessarily better down where it's wetter, and you can take it from HIM.
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