Saturday, October 31, 2009

Larry Lobster and Clawshank Redemption

According to the animal-lovers at pawnation.com, a 70-year-old lobster named Larry was released from Oceana, a New York City restaurant, after many years in captivity.

Lawrence "Larry" Lobster IV was arrested in the late 1980's and subsequently convicted on charges of being excessively meaty and succulent. He received the death penalty, and has spent the last twenty years on Oceana's death row, a 50-gallon fish tank in the restaurant's lobby. Just recently, Larry was moved to solitary confinement, a smaller tank of his own, where he was supposedly going to stay until he was executed. Restaurant warden Paul McLaughlin said that the move was due to Larry's "excessive size, and a tendency to nibble on the other inmates."

“I really didn’t mind it so much,” Larry told NBC News. “It was comfortable and they fed me every day. Sure, it was disturbing to see my fellow prisoners get taken away to the Death Pot, but we all knew our time was coming.”

When asked about the other prisoners, Larry recalled, “There was this one guy who was an absolute riot. Whenever the restaurant got busy, he’d tuck one claw underneath his body and drag himself around the tank with his other one, giving the impression that he was crippled. No one wants to pay for a gimpy lobster, so he hung around for years. Another guy made a sign that said I JUST WORK HERE, and wore it around his neck. He’d pretend to clean the inside of the tank and everything. Good times, man, good times.”

Larry was given a reprieve last week, when Bloomberg writer Ryan Sutton questioned the wisdom of eating an elderly crustacean. The public rallied around Sutton's cause, and lobbied for the lobster's freedom. Warden McLaughlin quickly relented, and arranged for a full pardon.

On Wednesday, a news conference was held outside the restaurant, where Larry Lobster read a prepared statement:

“I would like to thank Oceana Restaurant for granting my release. My incarceration was not unpleasant, I was treated well, and I truly enjoyed getting to know my menu-mates. While I would have accepted my fate with dignity, and I am certain that I would’ve been a delicious meal for some lucky human, I’m grateful for the opportunity to return to the ocean and live out the remainder of my life. Thank you.”

Larry Lobster was released off the coast of Maine, and within ten minutes was devoured by a hungry codfish, uncooked and without butter.

Stumble Upon Toolbar submit to reddit

29 comments:

Beth said...

"Taken away to the death pot" and "menu mates"... You are freaking hilarious!

nonamedufus said...

That was one shell of a story, DK.

Michelle H. said...

Larry Lobster was released off the coast of Maine, and within ten minutes was devoured by a hungry codfish, uncooked and without butter.

Yeah, that's karma for you...

Quirkyloon said...

Ha! "Menu mates?"

Ha! That's a keeper. And for some strange reason an image of Hannibal Lecter came to mind!

hee hee

CatLadyLarew said...

We shall all raise a glass in honor of Larry tonight! After years of escaping the clutches of diners, only to be swallowed by a hungry codfish. Such an ignominious end. May Larry rest in peace.

Happy Halloween, Knucklehead!

April said...

Thanks for the follow (I'm now also following you!) AND thank you for the book suggestion! I'll definitely check it out! :-)

Candice said...

Can you believe I've never had lobster? They kind of freak me out a little.

Maven said...

Poor Larry :-)

Thanks for stopping by my blog and nice to meet you. This was great.

Chrissy said...

Sounds like an Alannis Morrisette song to me.

Isabella said...

They should have put Larry in a halfway house first. You know, so he could slowly learn out to survive the big water.

Really fun to read!

Samsmama said...

As if the story wasn't awesome enough, the title was pure perfection! The thought of one pretending to be crippled was perfection! And I'm now SO craving lobster! But younger, with a clean police record, and butter is a must.

Mr. Condescending said...

Then the codfish got eaten by a sharkfish! Then a fisherman used his circompass to catch that rapscallion.

Picture Imperfect said...

Menu-mates... BWAAAhahaaa.... that's awesome!

I love your blog - looking forward to reading more!

~Penny

thinkinfyou said...

Ahhhhh, such is life!

Carl Vine said...

It's probably just as well because lobster lovers at prawnation.com were in the late preparation stages of a large-scale lobster hunt.

Smileyfreak said...

That was a great post.Purely fiction? I'm not so sure lol :)

Leeuna said...

Leeuna@My Mind Wandered
Alas, poor Larry! I knew him, Horatio.
RIP Larry!

otin said...

I am really not for the death penalty, unless it is part of my surf and turf!

Pollyanna said...

Too funny! Poor Larry, no one should die such an indignant death.

jdemott said...

Excellent, not surprisingly.

Christine Gram said...

I've never been a fan of eating lobster... glad to see one got away, even if for just 10 minutes of freedom.

Candy's daily Dandy said...

Poor Larry...I guess when your time is up, your time is up.

Moooooog35 said...

nomnomnomnomnom

Suldog said...

As soon as I heard about Larry being released, I had the exact same though: He's not going to last nearly as long as he would have if he'd stayed put. Glad to know I'm not the only fatalist in the crowd.

Jenn Thorson said...

I was waiting for Larry to use his claws to tunnel his way out, hiding his work behind a poster of crustacean It girl, Uma Thermadore.

Waltsense.com said...

So true...so true. Larry was eaten up like the Phils in the late innings. =-(

Jules said...

I don't let a Monday pass without posting a story or getting caught up on Knucklehead. Thanks for the tail, though I'll say this one smelled a bit fishy.

Jenn said...

Ooh I just had a bad feeling this one was not going to end well for Larry. Tragic I say, right place, wrong time.

Anonymous said...

It's all for the best, I suppose. By the end, he was just a shell of his former self. I suppose his more well-known brother was wrong after all; It is not necessarily better down where it's wetter, and you can take it from HIM.

Related Posts with Thumbnails