This month, Humor Bloggers Dot Com is sponsoring a fight against injustice in the world, wherever it may be found. And let's face it, my friends, it can be found everywhere. If the world were "just", ice cream would be a health food while radishes would be chock full of bad carbs and carcinogens. If the world were "just", America's Next Top Model would be banned from the airwaves as "unhealthy viewing for human beings". And if the world were "just", Hollywood would immediately lift its unfair treatment of blackballed actor Jim Varney and start giving him meaningful movie roles again.
Mr. Varney’s body of work is unparalleled in cinematic history, and his talent is boundless. His characters range from the goofy, off-beat Ernest P. Worrell in Ernest Goes to Camp to the hilarious and zany Ernest P. Worrell in Ernest in the Army. And if that doesn’t convince you that this master thespian is truly a man of a thousand faces, you also have his dramatic performance in the Oscar-snubbed classic Ernest Saves Christmas.
Due to widespread jealousy in the motion picture industry, Varney hasn’t appeared in a movie since he provided the voice for Slinky Dog in Disney’s Toy Story 2. It’s not like there haven’t been opportunities. He would’ve been outstanding as John Nash in A Beautiful Mind. Screw Russell Crowe. And what about The Dark Knight? Varney could’ve acted circles around the utterly miscast Heath Ledger in the role of the Joker.
That’s not even taking into account the untapped potential of the Ernest series. Forcing the world to settle for a mere ten movies featuring Varney's defining character is akin to Harper Lee publishing nothing after To Kill a Mockingbird. There was just so much ground left to cover. I, for one, am truly saddened that we never got to see Ernest Overturns Roe v. Wade or Ernest Finds Bin Laden. The continued boycotting of the man's talents is beyond shameful.
Now, I know what you’re thinking. “Didn’t Jim Varney die about ten years ago?” Yes he did, but since when is death an excuse for preventing a talented actor from earning a living? Hell, Betty White’s been dead since 1992 and she turned in a remarkable performance in the Sandra Bullock film The Proposal. It can be done, and Varney deserves the chance.
Please join me in my campaign to revive the career of Mr. Jim Varney. Write your local film director or make a donation to the Give Ernest Another Chance Foundation by visiting www.jimvarney.org/. It’s a cause worth fighting for.
Know whut I mean, Vern?
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