Saturday, February 4, 2012

Another Year Without the Jets in the Super Bowl

Yes, the Jets did win the Super Bowl.  I was three.
Well, for the 43rd consecutive year, my beloved New York Jets are not playing on Super Sunday.  That's right, in the entire forty-six year history of the Super Bowl, the Jets have made exactly ONE more appearance than the Edmonton Oilers who, in case you don't keep up on such things, play in the National Hockey League.  The good news, of course, is that the Jets actually emerged victorious in their lone appearance, thanks to the magic of Joe Willie Namath combined with the complete ineptitude of the over-confident Baltimore Colts.

We'll take it, don't get me wrong.

Since it is virtually impossible for me to watch a sporting event as an impartial observer, I am, for the forty-third consecutive year, forced to select a non-Jets team to root for.  Generally, there is a system I use to help me decide.

First, I will not ever root for the Raiders, Rams, Dolphins, Bills, Patriots, Jaguars, Panthers, Ravens, Browns, Steelers, or any team with a completely candy-ass quarterback (other than the Jets, of course).  The reasons here are varied, but I view those teams as "the bad guys."

I will often cheer for a team if they have a player who I respect, both for their athletic talent and their perceived off-the-field demeanor.  Peyton Manning, Drew Brees, Aaron Rodgers, and Warrick Dunn are examples.

There are also players I will never root for, no matter who they play for such as  Ndamukong Suh, Chad Ochocinco, Terrell Owens and Brett Favre (again, except when he was a Jet).

Thankfully, this is one of the easy years, since the New England Patriots are playing.  I absolutely despise the Patriots, every single thing about them.  From their candy-ass quarterback to their 600-pound Sumo Lineman who hilariously has the word "fork" in his name, to their slovenly, hoodie-wearing, rule-breaking head coach, the Patriots are about as likeable as the Taliban.  In fact, if New England was playing the Taliban in the Super Bowl, I would root for the Taliban.

Okay, that's not exactly true.  I'd root for the Patriots to win, but for Tom Brady to blow out both knees in the process.

Vince Wilfork mistaking Jay Fiedler for a pizza.
Making my selection even simpler this year is the fact that the Pats are playing a team from New York.  Sure, it's not the Jets, but I'll take a New York team over a Boston team any day of the week and twice on Super Bowl Sunday.  Yankees-Red Sox, Rangers-Bruins, Knicks-Celtics, Syracuse-BU, doesn't matter.  As I once heard 50,000 New Yorkers majestically chant, "Boston Sucks!"

Making this year even more fun is the fact that the Giants are most assuredly going to win the game.  Sure, it might be somewhat close, but the New England defense couldn't stop traffic if they had fourteen spike-strips and a bazooka.  And while the Patriot offense is somewhat formidable, they're depending quite a bit on an over-sized buffoon named Rob Grinkoflabowski (or something like that) who will be limited due to a boo-boo on hims widdle ankle.

Giants 38, Patsies 31.  Write it down.

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nonamedufus said...

What? That California sun's baking your brain my friend. Have you lost it completely? Those football Giants are going down.

Quirkyloon said...

And not one mention of Madonna... I'm impressed.


Have you seen a therapist about some of these deep-seated anti-Steelers feelings? heh heh

Gooooo Giants!

Hildy said...

Hysterical post! I love you sports fans!

Friend at work (life-long Jets fan apparently) announced that she HATED the Giants, so I naively said, "Shall I root for Indianapolis for you?" She gave me a withering look and said "They're PLAYING the game in Indianapolis. But Indianapolis isn't in the game."


But thanks to your post, I now know who is playing the Giants!

Andy said...

Dude, the Jets are a hockey team.

Suldog said...

I take cold solace in the fact that your prediction for the final score was almost as wildly wrong as my own. Both defenses were solid.

Congrats to The Jints. They won it fair and square. If they weren't from New York, I could almost like them.

notactuallygod said...

Don't feel bad. The Patriots took a jet to Super Bowl, and my GIANTS took a jet there too, where they won, and now they're taking another jet home today.

So Rex Ryan was kind of right last summer, some jets DID go to the Super Bowl, see?

(Sorry dude, Rex had it coming)

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