Subway Subterfuge

In case you've somehow missed it, October is "Anytober" at Subway, which means for the entire month you can get any foot-long sub for the low, low price of five bucks.  The commercials are everywhere, the annoying "Five Dollar Footlong" jingle being sung by a wide variety of even more annoying characters.  Cheerleaders, Asian guys playing video games, the list goes on.

"Five!  Five dollar!  Five dollar foot looooong.  Any, any, any! "

Let's start by examining their creation of the word "Anytober."  This, my friends, is what's called a "reach."  "Any" doesn't sound anything like "Oct."  It's a terrible attempt at wordplay.  Last time Subway introduced the "any footlong for five bucks" deal, it was February, which they transformed into "Februany."  While this still wasn't going to earn them the Clever Ad Pun of the Year award, you could tell what they were going for.  For lack of a better word, it worked.

But Anytober?  I'm not buying it.

On the bright side, though, five bucks is a pretty good deal for a foot-long sub sandwich, and since I love Subway, the last few weeks have been Anytoberfest at my house.  But today, Subway and their "Any-any-anyness" pissed me off big time.

I entered the store and decided to try a foot-long pastrami sub.  Never had one before, as I'm more of a Subway Club or Italian BMT guy, so I figured it was time for a change of pace.  I ordered it, gave the (ahem) "Sandwich Artist" my condiment preferences, and made my way to the cash register to hand over a five-spot.

"That'll be six seventy-five."

"Excuse me?  What happened to Anytober?"

"The pastrami doesn't count . . . it's a premium sandwich."

"Doesn't count?  I distinctly remember the cheerleaders singing ANY ANY ANY."

"Right, but that's just for our regular foot-longs."

"Well that's not any foot-long, is it?  It's ANYTOBER, Todd!  Technically, I should be able to come in here and order a foot-long Cold Cut Combo with triple meat, double cheese, and Grey Poupon mustard and have it cost five bucks.  Any means ANY."

Apparently it doesn't.  I paid $6.75.

"Thanks for visiting Subway," said Todd.  "Come again any time."

Which, if you're going to believe their "Almost Anytober" policy, really means, "Come again some of the time."

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