Wednesday, May 19, 2010

What Ever Happened To . . . Ferris Bueller?

Charming Illinois native Ferris Bueller graduated from Shermer High School in 1986, boasting a 3.65 GPA despite a less-than-stellar attendance record.  After high school, Ferris married his longtime girlfriend Sloane Peterson-Bueller, and the couple attended Purdue University where Sloane majored in art history while Ferris studied political science.  Ferris's college career came to an abrupt halt in 1988, when he was expelled by University President Steven C. Beering for "an attendance pattern that could best be described as apathetic."  When informed of his expulsion, a stunned Bueller said, "I was afraid this might happen.  Apparently the computer network at Purdue is a bit tougher to hack than the one at Shermer High."

Added President Beering:  "And I'm no Ed Rooney."

Always one to land on his feet, Bueller returned to his hometown of Shermer in 1990, where he was elected to the Shermer Unified School District's Board of Trustees.  Though inexperienced, Bueller's engaging personality and charm enabled him to manipulate the other four board members, and as their first order of business, terminated the contract of SHS Principal Rooney and added ten additional student holidays to the school calendar.  While this decision made him the hero of Shermer's teenage population, parents eventually saw him for the slacker he was.  He lost his bid for re-election in 1994 to a retired economics teacher[1].

Unemployed, and with a child on the way, Bueller became desperate.  In 1995, he located his estranged friend Cameron Frye, who had become a successful pediatrician in Chicago.

"What are you doing here, Ferris?" asked Dr. Frye.

"Just came to see how you're doing, buddy.  Let me help you with that throat culture."

"I don't think so, Ferris.  If you screw up I could lose my license.  Why don't you wait in the lobby and I'll take you to lunch?"

"C'mon, Cameron, let me see that blood pressure thing --"

"It's a sphygmomanometer, Ferris."

"Whatever.  Let me see it."


"Hey, I have an even better idea," said Ferris.  "How about you hire me to help out around here permanently?"

"This is a doctor's office, not Dairy Queen.  I can't just hire you as a medical assistant."

Bueller left in a huff, saying that he'd call Cameron the next day.

Later that night, sitting at the cherrywood desk in his home office, Dr. Frye began to have second thoughts.  "He'll keep calling me, telling me to give him a job.  He'll make me feel guilty. This is ridiculous.  I'll do it.  I'll do it.  Shit."

By the next afternoon, Dr. Frye had a partner.

Though completely unqualified, "Dr." Bueller developed a knack for working with children, and before long, Dr. Bueller and Dr. Frye's medical practice was booming.  According to Jennifer Anderson, "Dr. Bueller was wonderful with my son.  I remember one morning when Brandon woke up complaining of a variety of symptoms.  I just knew he was faking, trying to get out of the math test that he was supposed to take that day.  I figured I'd call his bluff, so I picked up the phone and gave Dr. Bueller a call.  He was almost psychic, rattling off Brandon's symptoms without me telling him.  Stomach cramps.  Clammy hands.  He recommended that I keep Brandon home from school, not just that day, but for the rest of the week."

Inspired, Ferris went back to school and earned a medical degree from Indiana University in 2003.

Ferris Bueller divorced Sloane in 2004, leaving her with their children Ferris Jr. and Ashley.  He remarried in 2007, and currently resides with his wife Carrie Bradshaw, a successful New York City writer.

He is a very successful pediatrician in Manhattan, and treats over 2,500 children per year.  Kids and parents adore him.

Dr. Cameron Frye is his receptionist.

[1] You know, the one played by Ben Stein.


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Funnyrunner said...

holy sh*t. How'd Sarah Jessica get her boobs pushed up that high?

oh. and uh.. funny story! ;) My boys just watched that for the first time.. now they're full of insidious ideas...

Moooooog35 said...

You forgot the part where apparently he was struck completely blind because Carrie Bradshaw resembles a foot.

Suldog said...

Nice twist on your usual (and, by 'usual', I mean great, as your 'Whatever Happened...' series is my favorite.)

Heff said...

Damnit, Ferris ALWAYS comes out on top !

Judge Fudge said...

I heard rumors that he would ride his wife Carrie to victory in the Kentucky Derby this year. Guess they didn't qualify this year.

Bossy Betty said...

I have been wondering about this for years! Thanks for the info. I can sleep now.

Shawn said...

What a life, I knew they should have filmed a sequel. Now if we can only find out what happened to that parking lot attendant.

Homemaker Man said...

O, poor Cameron.

The Good Cook said...

I do love The Whatever Happened series! Where did SJP get those boobs and where does she store them when she's filming SITC?

Eva Gallant said...

I loved Ferris Bueller! What a great post!

Stacie's Madness said...

what a life he's led.

Jenn said...

The only thing that would make his life better is if he had a chance to sing for a crowd of thousands while cruising on a float in a parade. Oh wait...

corticoWhat said...

Nice! And I LOVED the "happy" ending.

Didn't he save the world from nuclear destruction the summer after high school?

MikeWJ at Too Many Mornings said...

Ferris Bueller's Day Off is one of my top 10 favorite movies of all time, partly because it was very funny, and partly because Sloane Peterson was exceptionally sexy in that hot tub scene at Cameron's house. I've always wondered why they didn't make sequel, though. And now you've solved the riddle: You just started the screenplay. I can't wait until the movie comes out.

ReformingGeek said...

Yes, that sounds about right.

Good job, Knucklehead!

Michelle H. said...

I loved the Ferris Bueller movie. Nice twist on his life story.

Mariann Simms said...

Danke Schoen, Chris. :)

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