Wednesday, April 28, 2010
First of all, I need to make something clear to you. You are not my dog. You are Theresa's dog, which means that while she is forced to love you unconditionally, I'm am under no such obligation. I happen to like Theresa, so I'm pretty much stuck with you. But my love is VERY conditional, so I believe it's only sporting of me to make a few things clear so you can't plead ignorance when someday I beat you to death with my TaylorMade seven iron.
Condition 1: Stay the Hell Off My Pillow
Condition 2: Do Not Under Any Circumstances Piss in the House
Condition 3: You Are Not in Leavenworth, So Stop Trying to Escape
Condition 4: Quit Being Such a Candy Ass
I don't mean this to sound like a threat Newt, but if you keep this up, someday Theresa's going to come home and find out that you've "run away and although I spent three hours driving around the neighborhood looking for him, I just couldn't find him anywhere." I might even put up "Lost Dog" signs just to be more convincing, though there's no guarantee I'll include our real phone number.
Think I'm bluffing? Piss on my shoes again and find out, buster.