According to the animal-lovers at pawnation.com, a 70-year-old lobster named Larry was released from Oceana, a New York City restaurant, after many years in captivity.
Lawrence "Larry" Lobster IV was arrested in the late 1980's and subsequently convicted on charges of being excessively meaty and succulent. He received the death penalty, and has spent the last twenty years on Oceana's death row, a 50-gallon fish tank in the restaurant's lobby. Just recently, Larry was moved to solitary confinement, a smaller tank of his own, where he was supposedly going to stay until he was executed. Restaurant warden Paul McLaughlin said that the move was due to Larry's "excessive size, and a tendency to nibble on the other inmates."
“I really didn’t mind it so much,” Larry told NBC News. “It was comfortable and they fed me every day. Sure, it was disturbing to see my fellow prisoners get taken away to the Death Pot, but we all knew our time was coming.”
When asked about the other prisoners, Larry recalled, “There was this one guy who was an absolute riot. Whenever the restaurant got busy, he’d tuck one claw underneath his body and drag himself around the tank with his other one, giving the impression that he was crippled. No one wants to pay for a gimpy lobster, so he hung around for years. Another guy made a sign that said I JUST WORK HERE, and wore it around his neck. He’d pretend to clean the inside of the tank and everything. Good times, man, good times.”
Larry was given a reprieve last week, when Bloomberg writer Ryan Sutton questioned the wisdom of eating an elderly crustacean. The public rallied around Sutton's cause, and lobbied for the lobster's freedom. Warden McLaughlin quickly relented, and arranged for a full pardon.
On Wednesday, a news conference was held outside the restaurant, where Larry Lobster read a prepared statement:
“I would like to thank Oceana Restaurant for granting my release. My incarceration was not unpleasant, I was treated well, and I truly enjoyed getting to know my menu-mates. While I would have accepted my fate with dignity, and I am certain that I would’ve been a delicious meal for some lucky human, I’m grateful for the opportunity to return to the ocean and live out the remainder of my life. Thank you.”
Larry Lobster was released off the coast of Maine, and within ten minutes was devoured by a hungry codfish, uncooked and without butter.
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